Friday, 1 January 2016


zakaj not posting and sepehr hardly posting, what more can you ask, an abatement of the freeloaders ! :o)

you both have the same problem that jason and jonathon don't have so much because they deal with their own lives

because you two don't deal with your own lives but in "fawlty towers" abstract structures you fall into the trap of believing these rickety and wrong minded constructs

the flaw is in your cognitive styles whereby you don't work out the abstractions and structures in anything like enough detail, teasing out the right and wrong and building something with a firm foundation and upwards development . .

when i read your stuff, its full of errors which i could correct but i just ignore because obviously i am having to carry you too much and you can't be bothered to do the work yourself but just suck my time and energy

so really you are both arseholes though you don't see it that way . .

just want to be carried by me for your entertainment . .


  1. how are you reading the whole book on google books ?

    incredible poem by li po

    1. i think you get different parts of a book shown in different searches

      wang wei, li po tu fu all affected by the an lushan rebellion !

      it really helps to read up on the lives of these great writers and poets, it explodes the hagiographic bullshit that religious morons push when you see the problematic lives of real people with an understanding of infinity !

    2. bloody times

      sort of interesting that those three were from the same time period, and with tu fu and li po being close, sort of

      yeah jesus first of all probably didn't exist, and if he did he wouldn't have lived for very long because he would have been assassinated, or executed, so it's sort of ridiculous to think that poets/saints lived carefree lives

      even li po, tu fu, and even you worked for a large portion of your lives, li po and tu fu maybe not enjoying the spoils as much, considering their life span

    3. “Separation by death must finally be choked down,
      but separation in life is a long anguish,

      Chiang-nan is a pestilential land;
      no word from you there in exile.

      You have been in my dreams, old friend,
      as if knowing how much I miss you.

      Caught in a net,
      how is it you still have wings?

      I fear you are no longer mortal;
      the distance to here is enormous.

      When your spirit came, the maples were green;
      when it went, the passes were black.

      The setting moon spills light on the rafters;
      for a moment I think it's your face.

      The waters are deep, the waves wide;
      don't let the river gods take you. ”

  2. I am not a cuckhold to you or any other guru. Zakaj is a weak man who needs a teacher, but I have never had a teacher in my life. I live life for myself, and I just go to people for advice. You understand relationships are based on delusion but so is pleasure, friendship, and the whole gamut. I'm not your disciple. I'm not even a student of Infinity because I think absorption into Infinity is painful and just about being disposed without taking the pain personally. Speak to me with respect or I won't respond at all.

    "My fist shaking to the heavens
    dreams of my childhood town
    bullies and snakes
    why bring more children into this world of nightmare?

    What you consider a reverie of Infinity
    I consider something to be disposed
    by ME"

    1. spelled cuckhold wrong... meant to say cuckold

    2. sepehr, when it (cuckhold) happens,it doesn't matter how it's spelt ! :o(

      good poem !

      "What you consider a reverie of Infinity
      I consider something to be disposed
      by ME"

      that's just like zakaj, you project something on to me, honestly both of you write very long posts saying my view is this or that, that is purely your own projection !

      i have been having a think, your problem always comes back to a lack of contemplative time, you are scared to do it . .

      because that time takes you back to look at your a priori assumptions like reincarnation, vegetarianism, your ubermensch persian historical/racial supremacism and anti-natalism, foundations of your l i f e . .

      its only through deconstruction of the a priori and its presuppositions that you can move forward in a coherent way . .

    3. I have received a lot of solitary contemplation time and still do. From my own experience, I agree with you that music and poetry overflow in every part of this universe. Poetry may be made of words but in truth, it is akin to music.

      Poetry is different from rigid language or abstract thought which is like a dying antenna. Language and abstract thought relays the world, poorly distorts it, blurs it, and makes it hard to see. Thinking with language or abstract thought forces things into a predetermined mold and anything that doesn't fit is discarded. On the other hand, the singing of whales, chirping of birds, the swimming of seals has always represented the world richly. I'm sure people were like that, long ago, but poets are still able to tap into that place which all life springs from.

      "ubermensch persian historical/racial supremacism"

      It's either Persians or Saudis at this point. Persians recently burned the Saudi embassy due to Saudis killing a Persian cleric. I predicted all of this would happen. Also, Islamic Golden Age was not a consequence of Arab expansionism but rather the spread of Persianate culture. Gulf Arabs will never accomplish anything noteworthy. I do not consider Syrians, Lebanese, etc. the same as Gulf Arabs, considering how genetically different they are.

    4. "I have received a lot of solitary contemplation time and still do"

      but what actually are you doing ?

    5. I have no choice but to go back to school.

      I take hikes to nearby mountains occasionally, and read good poetry + artwork here and there. I also visit this blog. I can't go 100% due to limitations in funds and so forth.

      I agree, I need to do more Shikantaza and start writing more *consistently*.

      Unlike Zakaj, I think you have genuine/authentic wisdom, and that's why I come here to read often. I like the recent poems you posted too.

      I'm not sure I agree with everything you say, but I agree with the fundamental stuff, especially about sacred poetry and how we should produce it ourselves from our own voice.

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    7. "I agree, I need to do more Shikantaza and start writing more *consistently*'

      i'm just going to try and explain the problem of "shikantaza" or contemplative time and this is from my own experience, that a little can be dangerous and
      malproductive and really it takes quite a bit to get into productive territory

      so last night i was thinking about contacting my ex who i have not communicated with for several months and getting a few clarifications on things, i was getting all worked up for say an hour and a half, then i suddenly thought why bother, just hassle and i wouldn't necessarily get a straight answer at all..

      i am pursuing some image of non distance, but the reality is she is distanced and was never easy to deal with at the best of times . .

      i will just let the few practical issues drive the contact and basically the less the better and i need to get on with other things

      there were plenty of red flags in the relationship and i lacked the judgement and experience to call it a day much earlier and i was fooled by her to her benefit, i can't criticize someone acting in their own interests and since i lacked the experience and judgement then i was going to get burnt until i learnt anyway !

      i wish i learnt some other way, but i never seem to, though the r/theredpill and r/exnoconact have been a big help to me !

      in the end the outcome has suited both of us, what can i do about the damage and pain . . ?

      nothing !

      so there were two phases to working this out, the first hour and a half which would have just lead to more real world problematics, and the second hour or so carrying on to now as i process it a bit further is the real "cooking with gas"

      the same issue with shikantaza is getting into that second phase, the first doesn't really work except for laying the groundwork for the second phase

      in relationship and "married with kids" you are only ever going to get part way through the first phase . .

      do you see what i am saying ?

      the reality of relationship is you need to have a partner/wife communicating usefully to you and general real life dealings also to compensate for being stuck in early "stage 1" of shikantaza

      both you and zakaj seem not to have this communication with your spouses, maybe they are of limited use, i don't know, maybe you and zakaj are of limited use, but the halfway house you show here is some sort of non functional derelict and imo your priorities and life emphasis need looking at

      you are both married men, but acting on this board like celibates, the reality is one day you may both being raising children despite your both anti-natalism

      the poem was good, but the rest of the superstructure you seem to walk around with . . .

      my perspective which is from most of my life celibate and will be for the rest is perhaps damagingly sophisticated for what your lives are, that is in relationship and possibly to progress to having a family for which a sort of blindness is best

      jason quoted a poem by tu fu, you just have to look at tu fu's life to see the problems . .

      dylan thomas, osip mandelstam, anna achmatova and marina tsvetaeva too . .

      in the end there is really no context in which you can say events in a life are right or wrong . .

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    9. sepehr, you keep deleting your best posts !


      sepehr writes

      I keep turning the stone over and finding nothing... just another reason to turn it over again. I don't want my wife or cats to suffer, but I am too weary to place my self-worth in them. It's like turning the rock over and just finding another note telling you to turn it over, hoping to find something substantial.

      I'm fine with having no self-worth, and I honestly want to just be forgotten as my body dissolves into the black pond. It's what happens to us all anyway, a fading dream into a black obsidian. "Nothing other than suffering arises, nothing other than suffering ceases." - that verse is why I became a Buddhist.


      that's a good post and usefully honest !

      buddhism says there is nothing, 7th patriarch zen says the black obsidian is liquid and a wormhole to infinity you just have to find it and recognise it so later it is always there for you which it is if you take the time out . .

  3. " yeah jesus first of all probably didn't exist, and if he did he wouldn't have lived for very long because he would have been assassinated, or executed, so it's sort of ridiculous to think that poets/saints lived carefree lives "

    you only have to read any great poets life to know how screwed up things get, tu fu for instance !

    that's a good poem of his btw, thanx, had to read it several times to understand it, but it always takes me several passes !

    there's no such thing as a saint, its simply a PR version of very uneven lives, mother teresa for instance who was really screwed up in more than one respect, like catherine of siena !

    mani is a good instance of what happens to the founders of real life religions, not a pleasant fate !

    jesus and buddha are two spewing comic book fakes they don't exist thank god or our world would be a comic book !

    uh oh ! :o(

  4. I like jason, he pushes me to do more work I think. I feel like I have this friendly competition with him and sometimes I feel jealous of him. Either way, I'm glad he posts here and has his own blog and that he comes to my blog to post too.

    And zakaj too, even though he supposedly stopped posting here. I find he writes stuff that pertains to my own life, notably the post where he mentioned that without his girlfriend he would be a zombie. I am that zombie without that girlfriend. One other thing that I liked was when Andrew posted his poem "a moonlit night just hanging there forever ! " and zakaj said he had a mini vision from reading it. I liked that because I also had a mini vision and it helped me understand something about poems.

    Zephyr, idk... he seems like a nutcase most of the time but I am a nutcase too I guess... his posting and Andrew's subsequent labeling him as having mania made me realize that I suffer from this too. I don't think he will read this or he won't care what I say about him.

    I wish I could say something about Dave but I don't know too much of him due to lack of posting. He seems cool though. Wish he would share his dream he had here though I understand if he doesn't want it out in public.

    It would be cool if you guys had a blog I could visit but I guess that's not your thing!

    1. dave, zephyr and zakaj are in relationships/married, if theres one thing i am learning is couples screw single people over royally, am getting very wary ! :o(

      they just fuck you around trying to get what they can and screw you up, pretty well the only people in that situation who won't are your parents !

    2. yeah i think i do that too tbh, just fuck around with people only when i can get something from them

      if i can't get anything or if they don't offer anything then i won't bother with them

    3. i wasn't always like this i've just become really bitter these past few years

    4. An3drew, was your ex a thoughtful person into solitude in natural scenery and deep poetry + deep film? I think you could easily fall in love and remain in relationship with an Emily Dickinson esque woman. It's just that modernized culture is very degenerate thanks to neoliberalism and modern media glorifying sex and such, like the fall of Rome but on a more global scale. You're into old-school literate woman who are not into fucking around like YOLO types.

    5. sepehr your lack of real life observation and lack of in depth reading just leaves you making fucked in the head stupid posts

      read up on emily dickinson's love life for christs sake !

      your're a buddhist, go and puke your nonsense on their message boards !

      as my ex's ex said, "they're all bitches"

      every now and then you get depressed enough to write something worthwhile like that poem, otherwise you just blab half worked out abstract nonsense like it means something, on balance i would rather not hear from you
      again !

      read the terms of posting here

      "people coming on here and bossing me around like they know better are giving me ptsd, if you don't think i know what i am on about just do not post !"

      you give me ptsd, do us both a favour and f u c k o f f

    6. There were other literate, highly artistic women like Emily Dickinson that had more conventional love lifes... I have read on Emily Dickinson's love life, and she wasn't the best example to give, I agree. I should have given a better example.

      All I did, was ask you a question.

    7. Toni Packer was married, man.

    8. i'm not for marriage, but a lot of great people were married

    9. My wife is like Toni Packer. She's even read stuff by her.

      I surmise the reason Toni Packer didn't have a messed up love life is due to the traditional values in Judaism that encourage cohesiveness of family unit. She was most likely conditioned with such values which I hold a lot of respect for. Such values have been lost in the West due to the decadence of modernity. There was a time women in the West were less like hoes and more like individuals who pass on traditions and told oral stories among the fire, at least from what I've read on Scandinavian cultures***. However, such culture has been lost in general in the West thanks to feminism.

      Feminism was a mistake.

      You're limiting yourself to Anglo women who have mostly become whores, An3drew.

    10. sepehr i think you really bother andrew, have you considered that ?

      and really what are you doing here if you're not going to do the work a.k.a meditation time ?

    11. sepehr, you really have a life issue in not listening, i am asking you to leave the board and not make contact with me again ever !

      read and think and for once in your life drop your self centered narcissism and show some consideration !

      the next step is to put this board back on moderation permanently if you can't "get" my request of you !

      permanent moderation will mean no posts passed at all !

    12. I don't see what I did wrong? Has politically correct liberal culture seeped into you too? All I said was that feminism has made women whores and less self-reflective... which is true. We've had plenty of good conversations. Whenever I leave, you can't help but babble endlessly about me, so I comment back. If I leave this time, don't mention me and I won't respond. Each time you say my name, I'm going to respond.

      Anyways, my wife is like Toni Packer, so my relationship is no detriment to Zen. We've done Shikantaza with each other. She's an antinatalist and likes Schopenhauer also. We've read a lot of the poetry you recommend too.

      So you're going to tell your #1 fan to fuck off? Sure, but each time you mention my name, I'll be back.

    13. I'm watching the uncut version of fanny and alexander with my wife. It's a masterpiece.

      Also, I forgot to mention m wife and me get lots of solitude in natural scenery..

  5. sepehr, the problem is that you post a lot of half worked out stuff and to run the board successfully, i have to deconstruct it which takes quite a bit of work, your last several posts show this in spades

    you are married and you are taking advantage of me !

    so i'm going to close the comments section completely and permanently !

    i always found it very telling you won't open your own blog !

    the closure is not just because of you, i am sure zakaj will be back and if not you two, then others dead set on wasting my time to entertain themselves !

    so thank you for being so extreme you make me go to where i need to be rather than drifting on forever !

    nothing personal, you've had a good run out of me, occasionally you write very good stuff, i really think you should set up a blog, but my life has other priorities so lets call it a day ! :o)