Wednesday, 2 March 2016


i really am feeling burnt by researching sepehr's suggestion of the book "the hospice" by robert aickman, its entertainment and wrong minded, this sort of swill is endless and it actually hurts to go into it . .

so what do i do ?

do i need a public message board at all, the reality is i don't, i am available by email or reddit nick, when i deal with people individually its easier. .

the basic problem with the public board has always been because of the way i feel the need to deconstruct the erroneous viewpoints, so there's just this ongoing burden that i am now finding too damaging, people following their interests which are peripheral to mine, zakaj is an easy example because he is so clearly in the gabriel pradīpaka camp, totally bizarre but i am not in the business of remedying his mistake, this is it, people really have their own views and the energy required for deconstruction to keep this public message board sane is just too much for me !

so i am suspending the comments section in two or three days, after that i will permit comments as i feel suitable which at this point will only be people asking for contact information or having an important announcement !

so in effect this blog ceases to be a public discussion board . .

one of the factors in this decision has been observing blogs or facebook pages of people who give retreats and that sort of thing, they also have this issue of the discussion running away in directions that are negative for their reputation and quite involving if they care to step into the fray . .

so its just like a general issue and i'm not into fixing the world at all if it were even possible ! :o)


  1. You have to finish reading The Hospice. It's a complex story, I even wrote an analysis of it, which I could give if you want. The whole story is about how there is no bottom turtle, or a lack of a foundation. It's pointing to how social organizations or mass crowd try to avoid looking at the illusion of their comfort, which their affectations maintain the illusoriness of.

    There's a reason the middle is long-winded and goes nowhere. It adds to the effect of the ending. It has fast pace in beginning, super slow pace in middle, and then picks up near the end. Don't read the summaries of it, actually read the story.

    It's basically like Melancholia where its beginning was super slow for a reason, but the middle is sloer.

    The Hospice was not entertaining at all.

    1. i stand by my judgement of it !

    2. Did you read it? Researching is not a substitution for reading the actual piece.

      I'm going to watch The Kingdom directed by Lars von Trier soon, btw.

    3. like zakaj, you are just not getting the solitude in and our ways have parted, the perspective is too different !

      at my age i have been surprised to move so distinctly ahead of you both, but there it is !

    4. I've been home alone for about a year or more. I'm schizoid, so I don't really see most people. The issue is, I get too much solitude. I have no friends.

    5. "The issue is, I get too much solitude."

      films, books and the net are not solitude

    6. I walk outside my house all the time and relax.

      Getting solitude in the woods is dangerous. There are a lot of rednecks here with guns.

    7. Zephyr - the bottom turtle is the Kingdom of God.

    8. sepehr, just about every night i turn all the lights off, no computer and am just under my red headlamp for several hours, when i can i get outside into the lovely night . .

  2. OK so I will take this opportunity to write one final comment - seeing how in 2 days you will close the comments permanently.

    It all boil down to one single word: conflict.

    Obviously you had major impact on my life, so this comment is not entertainment to me.

    I have been thinking about this today at work... about our conflict. And then your conflict.

    You are in constant conflict with the world. You are ultra sensitive, destabilized by a feather falling on your head.

    As you say - you care a lot about correcting , deconstructing.

    And - allow me a digression here - this is why I think you fall into the Buddhist tradition, even though you say Buddha never existed etc.

    This is my pet theory, I don't care whether it's historically accurate or corroborated by evidence. I know it's true a priori. It's not my theory actually, I got it from UG Krishnamurti, but recently my Guru confirmed it indirectly.

    In short, the Buddha - whether he existed or not it matters not - reached emptiness and then before the face of infinity, turned away from it, he didn't fuse with it completely. He got close to it but got scared in the last moment.

    Emptiness or "reality-limit" as the Buddhists call it, is not the end; there is something beyond all that.

    I am not claiming to be liberated ... far from it, I am a paśu as this tradition calls us ("a beast" - ie. unenlightened human)

    But in general, my impression from observing you for a few years is this: you are in conflict with the world.

    Why I mentioned the Buddha - he was in conflict with the world too; even after he supposedly abandoned asceticism - he really abandoned nothing. He still remained a monk, shaved head, etc.

    Those who don't go to the end, remain in conflict with the world.

    Infinity spills over its own identity and is always already finite: if infinity were opposed to the finite, it would be finite itself (as then it would have borders...) - so infinity is infinitely "greedy" it is itself, and then simultaneously also its own opposite (when in concealment).

    Concealment and revelation are two functions of that infinity. When it chooses to reveal itself to us, it is not our doing; but its function of cancelling its own concealment.

    For the jivanmukta the conflict ceases once and for all. He sees the world as his own self. That doesn't mean he is retarded and will let people walk over him. He can even carry a gun if he wants, he's free... he can ban people from his blog. He can even go into conflict if he wants. He will see the conflict as willed, though. As a manifestation of the power of freedom of his self.

    This is then what is ultimate - so the constant inner conflict betrays instead a total fusion with the infinite - saints completely fused like Nityananda or Anandamayi Ma - on the other hand, Gautama Buddha and Yourself: very close but chose to turn away from it and thus eternally in conflict with creation

    You are like someone who saw God, and then turned to Creation and constantly complained against it (except some parts which you happen to like).

    But someone who becomes God, turns to Creation and laughs, and all is acceptable to such a person, all is celebration of his own Power, of his own Glory. Even if someone comes to rob him, burn his house, rape him, he will experience bliss and joy and see it as a manfestation of his own freedom.

    All just ... Gloria in excelsis Deo!

    So to end the conflict in you, you'd have to meet a jivanmukta, a person who is similar to you (had direct communion with infinity) but who went further and sublated that conflict, and now sees the world as a creation of his own svātantrya śakti.

    This is really all I had to say - all my posts were trying to say this but failed, and now I spit out what was stuck in my throat - and I will accept my permanent ban.

    1. at the end of the day i have had quite a bit of practical experience with real life religion , teachers, centers and am a lot more cynical and jaded than you are about the vocabulary and people

      you don't vote with your feet so you are never going to see that and will remain stuck !

    2. Well I asked the Guru about this explicitly. I said, OK, I am far away, this must be a disadvantage. I should travel to meet you perhaps? His reply was, verbatim: "The disciples that live far away from this body have an advantage: That they don’t constantly identify myself with this physical body. The ones around me all the time think that I am this miserable body. It is an unconscious activity, obviously, but very effective anyway."

    3. Well I have seen many things when I lived for 6 months in Japan also in spiritual communities. I am cynical too when it comes to religion and "spiritual communities"

      Meeting an authentic Guru has nothing to do with that. (That is also what Zen is about btw. - it's about meeting a "Master".)

      Until one meets a liberated person, a jivanmukta, one simply cannot understand. You can travel to planets, live thousand years in different communities, but nothing moves until you meet a liberated person!

    4. zakaj he's only interested in the girlies

      no doubt he has some "identity with physical bodies" routine

      you are a willing "connee"

      maybe he's in a stable relationship in which case he's just a f o o l !

      you are voting with your feet and spending your time here, can't you see that is your real judgment ?

    5. Yeah he's married actually.

    6. You remind me of ewk actually

      ewk did this often: "you keep replying to me so you must be into me!"

      I wonder if he's still around, I don't go to that place anymore.

      Anyway, read my longer message again, it's not well written but it goes to the point.

      The fact that you live in conflict proves you're not there yet.

      Zephyr is an autistic fedora who calls himself "Ubermensch" - nuff said.

      Do your feet vote when they go to Brad Warner and comment on him?

      Is he your master?

      You're my Brad Warner!

    7. its just standard hindu cliche stuff, out of date and he's just another guru wannabe, maybe he gets some funding from it ?

      it will be like brad warner, operating in a sixties or seventies time warp, there was money in it then, now they compete with every housewife and her enlightened dog !

    8. Well he was invited for a tour to India, so there is some funding in it. Not many people do what he does, devote decades of their life living like a shut in studying Sanskrit and translating texts for free!

    9. Well I did my best, basically the way I REALLY see the world and experience it, is like "far out beyond Pluto" to you so our communication is impossible. You were right, the perspectives have become so different there's no point in communicating further!

      I came back here to offer you to follow an authentic jivanmukta! Why waste time pissing on Brad Warner when you can instead follow the real thing?

    10. ok so he gets an income to translate sanskrit, so he's really an academic in an unorthodox way !

      that's where he's at and i know in your heart you don't buy into it, but it serves your purpose which is to keep you from investigation and deconstruction of yourself . .

      sepehr does the same with media, anime, films etc

      let me be clear that i am not saying either of you should do otherwise . . my life has limped through so many disasters i sometimes think i should have remained some clone in a job . .

      but you both have clear ceilings, there can be made no argument from me in terms of you not remaining below that ceiling, so to protect myself from further wasted time the public message section of this blog will be closing dwon

    11. zakaj, you sound ridiculous, even worse than my phase with explicit memory which I've gotten over.

      You need to take a step back and realize how ridiculous this is. You were far more erudite and aware awhile back.

      You cannot give a closure to your existential turmoil by placing it in silly goals like learning Sanskrit and organized religion.

    12. Right. Not that it really matters what I think in this case, but just for the record, I agree with you banning me from this place! What can I say.

    13. Your autistic fixation with explicit memory is very different from this now.

      All the great masters of the past themselves had masters. Shaivism is no different from Zen in this regard. You have to meet a liberated person to get liberated!

      I can't blame you for attacking me like that though! It's not in your power to act differently, it's a knee jerk reaction!

      I have to go to sleep. I am banned from here so good bye forever.

      In case some one wants to contact me my real Reddit username is " AirSandFire "

    14. Only Grace (anugraha / śaktipata) can give a closure to existential turmoil, Z.

    15. an3drew, we cannot like all of the same artwork. We like a lot of the same stuff, but we don't like all of it, ofc. I agree with you solitude and nutrition are important, but I don't have to agree with your authoritative attitude about what constitutes good and bad art. You haven't even read what I've recommended and you are insulting me.

      You really need to rectify such a belligerent attitude, man. You act like I was recommending something on the level of Twilight.

      Just because Robert Aickman's short story "The Hospice" has some influence from Thomas Mann's The Magic Mountain does not make it bad. It's not plagiarism, it's just a minor influence, and you haven't even read the damn thing.

      I think our fundamental disagreement is that you have a more hippy attitude to nature whereas I am more real. When I was alone in the woods, it feels more like Algernon Blackwood's The Willows or Lars von Trier's Antichrist rather than some hippy interpretation of bees and Emily Dickinson la la land.

    16. The whole world is a decrepit, recursive vine infested house of Usher and it is collapsing. Why should I love Infinity? It is pure terror.

    17. Charles Bukowski, 'Beasts Bounding Through Time'

      "Van Gogh writing his brother for paints
      Hemingway testing his shotgun
      Celine going broke as a doctor of medicine
      the impossibility of being human
      Villon expelled from Paris for being a thief
      Faulkner drunk in the gutters of his town
      the impossibility of being human
      Burroughs killing his wife with a gun
      Mailer stabbing his
      the impossibility of being human
      Maupassant going mad in a rowboat
      Dostoyevsky lined up against a wall to be shot
      Crane off the back of a boat into the propeller
      the impossibility
      Sylvia with her head in the oven like a baked potato
      Harry Crosby leaping into that Black Sun
      Lorca murdered in the road by Spanish troops
      the impossibility
      Artaud sitting on a madhouse bench
      Chatterton drinking rat poison
      Shakespeare a plagiarist
      Beethoven with a horn stuck into his head against deafness
      the impossibility the impossibility
      Nietzsche gone totally mad
      the impossibility of being human
      all too human
      this breathing
      in and out
      out and in
      these punks
      these cowards
      these champions
      these mad dogs of glory
      moving this little bit of light toward us

      My response:

      Bierce disappearing in Mexico
      Poe deliriously writhing in the streets of Baltimore
      Lovecraft dying penniless
      I'm glad to no longer be human
      And you should too, Bukowski
      For we have swallowed the scathing light
      We beasts abiding in darkness

    18. "The whole world is a decrepit etc"

      ok that's well written !

      well pure horror, joke, terror, stupidity . .

      the other side is we in our limited life spans can know infinities beauty, itself as itself, that's what this work is all about . .

    19. "We beasts abiding in darkness"

      excellent poem !

  3. PS: I see it as a gift to you. I don't care whether you publish that post or not. I think it's better you don't publish it. It's for you only. I would write it to Reddit but I lost your Reddit username, I cannot recall it. Whatever, do with it what you want. The Lord has showed you Grace already by bringing a jivanmukta to your attention. That is the last chapter of your spiritual odyssey towards infinity. What could erase the gaping chasm between your "I" and the World. Otherwise eternal conflict through and through.

    1. You're an idiot. I don't like An3drew comparing me to you, seriously. This post is the most retarded thing I've read in awhile.

    2. zakaj, i have to agree with sepehr, you are out beyond pluto or something, a really weird stupid space, but others in your life will be telling you . .

    3. I tossed a pearl to the swine!

  4. After studying Richard Carrier, I think people are retarded to ever have believed in a historical Jesus in the first place. It's so fucking obvious, lol. There is just a lack of evidence. The early epistles and Paul treat him as a celestial being that people know through divine revelation, and the Gospels were altered a lot in the beginning by early Christian rival sects to give the impression of Jesus being a historical figure (i.e., "Euhemerism"). Tacitus, Jospehus, and Tallus are not reliable evidence too for obvious reasons. Also, there are way too many parallels to the death and resurrection savior gods to take the Jesus myth seriously.

    Do you have the link arguing that Buddha was originally a tree shrine God? Thanks.

    1. the argument for buddha being a tree shrine god is that the character is clearly fictitious being so incongruous with real life so you are merely looking for an explanation of the context in which it arose

      tree shrine worship has always been endemic to the area and the deepest level of excavation at the supposed birthplace of buddha, lumbini, has uncovered a tree shrine !

      islam also has an issue with the earliest koran being dated as written before muhammad's maturity

      the way i approach it is jesus, buddha and muhammad's lives are utterly asynchronous with the way the world works and "real" prophets like mani have lives and meet a fate much more typical of the way the world and especially religion works !

      a belief in the physical and historical reality of these hagiographic supermen (zen also pedestalizes its "masters" in its stories in a more limited way) implies "gods justice" which is actually contrary to the way the world really works ie 'the good die young !"

      another chronic distortion of reality is the belief that an underworld heavy, illiterate and uneducated like william shakespeare could have written those plays !

      sir henry neville and his so interesting life fits the bill exactly as the real author and not only is congruent with, but illuminates the way reality really works !

  5. Also, I was referring to Ambrose Bierce, not the other Bierce you linked.

    Ambrose Bierce was a good writer who disappeared in Mexico, and we didn't know how that happened. He was like a more cynical, witty version of Poe.

    1. yeah, he's very interesting, that link is in fact what happened to him !

      shot as spy !