this blog is the continuation of a genuine mystical tradition, unless you get in daily contemplative time and abstain to a significant degree from "entertainment" then you are just wasting your time and mine !
zen_mystical message board
reddit zen was fun but now the moderators have brought a bot in to eliminate spacing, I just don't find posting there fun without being able to play ! :o)
the unplatable truths about enlightenment
Were any of these a Kensho experience or close to it?:When I was younger, I was talking to this other "entity" that felt like it flew into me. I was watching a cartoon. The entity then told me what is it I want. I told "it" I want to become a part of the cartoon. "I" then viewed myself from third person while watching myself become a stream of the narrative cartoon.Also another: I (can't really say I cause it felt as if the "I" was dissipating) had a strange experience about 12-18 months ago. While talking to my girlfriend about the evolutionary phylogeny and the extinction of the Homo floresiensis through wars with Homo sapiens, I started thinking intently about where 'my' mind fit into all of this and whether this mind can be said to either arise or cease or neither. My thoughts started to subside as I started to give up on the intellectual speculation, and my girlfriend then came and told me goodnight over the lamp. She turned the light off and then she turned it back on afterwards to tell me something. She then turned it back off. All of a sudden the distinction between light and dark started fading away as I stared into the dim moonlight between the curtains, and "I" felt as if I was forgetting my name and all the concepts + memories associated with it. I got scared and thought, "I don't want to forget my name!" because I felt as if I was being pulled away to experience things from an impersonal perspective without dimension. I do not know if this is considered kensho, but if it was, I technically ran away. I know I shouldn't attach myself to the memory of such an experience, for the formulated concept or imagined symbol could serve as a barrier or prompt expectations. Also, I wrote ten verses afterwards which I won't post.I had a very sad dream once where I was in a mall. My friend's mom told us to come out already. While walking outside, I became aware of dreaming. I then pointed to the horizon and lightning bolts came down. My friend asked, "What is that?" I explained to him he is simply a manifestation of my dream. He began asking, "Who am I then? What is the purpose of this?" I forgot my answer, but I said something to the effect of "it is as it is" or "i am that, that i am" or so. He then was crying and the dream ended while he continued to cry. I have had a similar dream where I fell in love once, and while waking up, I was told not to seek my loved one. However, in another dream I sought her, and found a malformed entity that had attributes of her mixed with others...I also had a dream once where I saw my body shaking in third person. Then I saw lines appear and felt a movement into another space. I then saw something akin to a surgeon asking if I'm awake yet. I saw the lines appear once more, and there was this blinding light... I felt as if I was being pulled into it, and I started thinking, "Who am I? ... I don't want to forget who I am!" and woke up sweating.
"I do not know if this is considered kensho, but if it was, I technically ran away"yeah those experiences are all very insightful, but as you point out you are not taking the lessons on board !no cartoons or anime, it is wonderful to spend time out in the moonlight . . . excellent post, much appreciated thanx ! :o)
the hard thing is to bring a 2D life into 3D ! :o)(
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"intrinsic unhappyness and depression that is hardly liveable"This raw, brutal truth, that's beautiful about Andrew's stuff.... unlike the fakes who promise a candycolored paradise. This direct approach reminds me of Kodo Sawaki:"Isn’t it self-evident? How could that which is eternal and infinite ever satisfy human desires?Being watched by zazen, cursed by zazen, blocked by zazen, dragged around by zazen, every day crying tears of blood – isn’t that the happiest form of life you can imagine?"He had some talent as a writer, don't you think? suburban zennists came to him and he smashed their dreams of "inner peace" and "doing a little zazen to make life happier"... it's beautiful because it's authentic.For some reason, what you say will enthuse people even more... it's some kind of reverse psychology thing... you say "it's not worthwile!" and people will desire it even more! As for me, I'll take your word for it, literally: it's not worthwhile.I realized I never left the religion of my youth. I'm a Christian. Always have been. Always will be. Or at least: I want to be a Christian. Being a Christian isn't easy. It means carrying some cross... anyway, the point is, I've been using Buddhism to anesthesize my sufferings and to cover up my sins. Now I ask Christ to give me the cross and let me die for him so that I might be born again through him. All this Buddhism quest has been an intellectual masturbation. It's time to stop jerking off for me.
kodo sawaki is solipsistic, truth is individual and not communalreligions like Christianity (in-anity !) and buddhism are inherently voynichisticthat is confused and in their terms "a living pit of death" ! :o)(
Yeah but it's not about religion really. It's about hearing the call of Christ and following it. It's a real call it's neither imagination, nor a mystic insight. It's a call that can be heard by anybody, yet "many are called, few are chosen". It requires sacrifices. Many people, especially in America, use Christianity to legitimize their immoral lifestyle. To be Christian is not just some lifestyle change like becoming a vegetarian. It's just that 99% of "Christians" today aren't really following Christ. But this isn't the place to discuss this. You're a mystic, and that's not my path. Christ was not a mystic, except in the inauthentic, heretic gnostic texts.
your Christianity is the same as your Buddhism, isolated from reality ! :o)
an3drew God knows there is falsity in my heart. It's up to me to follow him authentically. And I will answer only to Him, not to men.
isn't "him" a man ?any monasteries running retreats in your country?this has been your problem all along, it's the sense of what god is that is missing though when you wrote that drunk poem you seemed on track !it takes retreat and solitude, just getting away by yourself for a while world be helpful !i'm finding it quite interesting that "waiting at the end of time" hasn't worked out for you
Indeed it hasn't worked.
for the first time you have said something open and exploratory !engaging yourself and your life !reddit zen is just endless closed books imposing their views, what a waste of time !
Andrew, today I stumbled upon this story of a guy who lived for 30 years in solitude. Christopher Thomas Knight. Born on December 7, 1965. Entered the Maine woods, 1986. He was arrested and removed from the forest, 1:30 am, April 4, 2013. For "illegal camping"... before his arrest, he was asked what he had learned from all that solitude:"I did examine myself. Solitude did increase my perception. But here's the tricky thing—when I applied my increased perception to myself, I lost my identity. With no audience, no one to perform for, I was just there. There was no need to define myself; I became irrelevant. The moon was the minute hand, the seasons the hour hand. I didn't even have a name. I never felt lonely. To put it romantically: I was completely free."I don't like the last sentence. It sounds pathetic. But the rest is interesting. Here's the whole story:http://www.gq.com/news-politics/newsmakers/201409/the-last-true-hermit?currentPage=5Today is my birthday, but I don't celebrate it, except that I allow myself to drink some Scotch on this day. And so I am drinking a bit of Scotch.The hardest thing to accept in society is how much people fake. We fake all the time. Like the hermit said, we perform for an imaginary audience. Reddit Zen is an example of that. Everyone seems to be performing the role of a Zen master for an imaginary crowd of hearers.It's all degenerate. I even agree with you on celibacy. These people smoke pot, sleep around, live promiscuous lives, and think this is spiritual... they use Ikkyu as an excuse. "Read Ikkyu, you fool! Sex is enlightenment!"The only thing I disagree with, is about marriage. I tell you that marriage can be very close to celibacy. It is in my case. If I wasn't married, I would be less celibate. I acknowledge that there are some people out there who can be celibate without marriage. But for some of us, marriage is required for something that actually looks like celibacy. There's no romance, almost not sexuality or lust, there's just companionship. Before marriage, I would fall in love with girls and it would drive me crazy every time. Now I'm calm. I don't think about anything romantic. They're all fakes. Even if I decided to leave Buddhism and Zen for good, I will still say that you're not fake. You're authentic. I hate to say this. Whenever I complement someone, it sounds like I want something in return. It feels filthy, dirty. I just disagree with your use of the word "retard". I agree with your use of the word "fraud" and "fake" though.You have the balls to say things like "Yuanwu wasn't enlightened". It's quite amusing, because it leaves people like ewk with no ground to stand on. Their whole mental edifice is built upon the assumption that all these people called "Zen Masters" share the same and common understanding.When I think of you facing these frauds, I remember how Jesus faced the Pharisees, who were the Reddit/r/Zen of his days:"You snakes! You brood of vipers! How will you escape being condemned to hell?"That authentic fire! There's nothing purer than the Gospels. How can we compare the Buddha's teachings which quite frankly are a snorefest (the Avatamsaka Sutra has 1600 pages!) to the power of the Gospels?And thence came Sun Moon Buddha from his Pure Land he emanated 10000 rays and from his swastika on his chest he emanated rainbows... I always felt it was voynich but I never wanted to say it out loud because then I would have to admit it was all BS and I would have no ground to stand on! No consolation, no anesthetic, no drug, no spiritual aspirin.Now you will say: "Ah! You left one anesthetic to find another!" But I disagree, because the Gospel is quite unsettling to me. While the nembutsu chant was keeping me asleep, this is demanding some radical changes, which scares me. " those of you who do not give up everything you have cannot be my disciples"
That was a cool post, Zakaj. It was filled with so much raw emotion. I think you are one of the few people I wouldn't mind drinking with.This has a Dostoevskian feel to it, haha.... Just the feeling of bitter disillusionment with most people alongside the alcohol and conversation that touches upon so many difficult subjects that most people are unwilling to deal with. Even if we do... we go back to work and diddle with bullshit ultimately.. Bukowski drank and I watch cartoons, play games... I do need some more time outside, but the way I was raised, haha...I feel as if one thing I learned from my life is the brain does something to make it to where we are normally talking to ourselves... A poem is speaking to the World/Infinity, not to ourselves, for once... Your post was like a poem to me.. so much raw emotion that I literally feel like i'm in a pub talking with you, haha...I think the notion of bicameral mind is wrong (i.e., 2 hemispheres of the brain that talk to each other - not true), but I don't know it feels right to some extent (i.e., I feel there are different voices in my head that talk to each other a lot)... I can't lie - I do talk to myself a lot. I use the words "I", "me", etc. a lot in my personal spiels and narratives... But then I realize I'm not really talking to anyone, just bickering back and forth to myself, and I get scared... Is this normal? I never cared to ask anyone else. There's no doubt most people are schizophrenic to a degree, at least from my perspective, it being a spectrum. Zen is just about ending that, and that's where the real words or insight comes from that stillness in solitude where the chatter - swinging back and forth -subsides...Once I brought awareness to my body during a dream, and it was frightening because it felt like multiple thoughts were emerge, interacting, and etc. It was like the whole dream world's underlying reality was a bunch of fake voices talking amongst each other. I think if people want to stop being fake, they need to let nature talk through them, let the poems and inspiration flow through them, rather than talking mostly with the fake voices in themselves.